You missed a lot of things, but I miss you more. I hope this letter will compensate for everything you need to know about the past years I’ve gone through.
Ever since you left, we’ve struggled a lot. We lost your house, your car, your motorcycles, and your funds. Mama’s house got pawned and we were left to live in a room-less house. No privacy, own wardrobe, and whatnot. We never went to the movies, to the malls, and all the places we used to go to. We can’t even visit you. We’re always out of budget.
I would ask you for advice again, just like before when you were here. You seem to know what to do every time. But I’ve got to make decisions on my own now.
I am about to take a full-time job soon, Papa. I want to start investing already as soon as possible and pay off my tuition fee. I hope I am making the right decision.
I am having lots of troubles that I could never tell anyone. I am fighting demons and I am fighting different kinds of them. I am almost out of energy and, to be honest, I just want a pause button. I want to take a nap. But I can’t seem to do so. I have tons of assignments, responsibilities, and work to do. I must take care of my younger siblings and take care of the house. Sometimes, I believe that Mama and Ate seem to forget that I get tired, too.
Tell me, how did you do it? Because I’m already exhausted, and I’m only 20! I should be enjoying my life but here I am. I wouldn’t have it any other way, though. I am not complaining. I just wish I have it easier for me, too.
Despite all that, I want to let you know that I am doing great. Better than expected, to be fair. Well, better than what most thought I was capable of. Yes, my world is crumbling but I guess I am good. I am no longer the same and I am sure I changed for the better.
I improved a lot. I even graduated Senior High School with honors. Can you believe it? I used to get all the 70s and 80s, right? I wish you were there. I could of have made you proud at least once in my life.
I had to stop for a year to help Mama with the bills. I came back to studying, though. Who would have thought that I’d be interested in the same course you took? I used to find it weird how you enjoyed this stuff. Now I know why. It’s like walking down the road that you once took, and it feels like walking side-by-side with you again. It feels like learning from you again.
Thankfully, I am blessed with two scholarships. Yes, I know—me and scholarships? I know you’d think I am lying but the Lord did it!
You also wouldn’t believe it but I now serve in the church as a choir member. I know my past is not worthy, but the Lord deemed me worthy enough and it’s been almost four years!
I am thankful to the Lord because ever since He intervened, I never once felt that I am alone. I almost always forget that I no longer have you. All my needs are taken care of. I never had to worry. And I am always filled with joy and love that any trace of hatred, no matter how small, can no longer make its way through my heart. Papa Jesus enveloped me with His perfect love. I no longer live in fear. I found my confidence in God, and I am at peace.
I know that the Lord is preparing me for an important role and that I am capable to handle it. This is just the training, and I must be prepared.
Your death was a bitter pill to swallow but I thank the Lord that He used your life so we could get know Him.
I miss you, Papa. I don’t wish to see you soon, but I hope we’ll meet again someday in heaven. You don’t need to worry about us anymore, Papa. The Lord’s got us.
Until then, I will hold on. I will keep fighting like the little girl you raised. You did not name me my name for nothing! I am strong, brave, and awesome—just like what you always say. I will always remember your last words to me. Crying does not solve challenges and I’ll remember to always be careful.
I love you, Papa; we miss you dearly.